Friday, April 22, 2016

On Thoughtfulness

I've been in an uncommonly pensive mood lately. No, pensive is not quite the right word, as it connotes almost-brooding. I've just been thoughtful. Keeping everyday things close to my heart, but thinking about them more often, more deeply. Feeling them more clearly. Yes, my current novel is thoroughly excellent, but it might not be just the author's skillful characterization that's inspired tears a number of times this hundred pages or so. I suppose I'm vulnerable? Which is probably a good place to be, going into a retreat.

Life can be so overwhelming! There is so much to see, so much to do, so many people to love and care for. Freed from the shackles of disease, I can finally pursue a hobby! But only one. The other two vying for my time (let alone the many yet to be considered!) have to take a backseat until the period I set for this hobby is over, which is frustrating, and feels like I'm back to where I was months ago. Really, I'm not; I just (as always) want to do too many things.

Still, I'm grateful that my everyday life is not plagued by any of the heavy crosses I see around me; even if, at the same time, I am beginning to truly long for a romance. Previously, the longing was really a more practical desire for a life partner, someone to support and make plans (and children) with. That would still be great, but the aching begins for the sort of whirlwind of feelings described by so many, through so many media. An interesting change, and I'm not sure what may have sparked it. With this shift, though, comes an acceptance of a life other than the stay-at-home-mom one I've always dreamed of. Again, not especially positive or negative, just interesting.

Well! There is something relaxing about posting a fairly stream-of-consciousness blog. I've got a few half-written posts that I may return to soon. But in the meantime: I leave you with some absurdly fluffy puppies, because my sister and deprived-dog-lover friends are apparently rubbing off on me.


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